theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
