dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
