i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
