it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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