My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
