i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
