So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to calm my uterus...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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