Buhtt sex?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
