I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
