so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
