Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
