You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
