I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
