just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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