Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Houston, we have a blender
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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