i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
