Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
