She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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