He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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