I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
