you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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