Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
