Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize