By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
