i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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