i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
