At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize