3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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