Sober January is a disaster.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
