So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I need to align my fucking chakras
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
