I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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