She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
