i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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