I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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