I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
