I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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