I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
