oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
pray to the hookup gods
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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