why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
