This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
