If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
