Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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