you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize