then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
