I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
