But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there's paper in my vomit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
