I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
