You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
