1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we made out on top of his cat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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