So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
