Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
