Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
