Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
