I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
