the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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