Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
