I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
