The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
