I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
