finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
