I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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