i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
