Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
