your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
