your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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