Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
