so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
