just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize