The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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