Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
