perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
In America we eat man semen.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We just shotgunned beers for America
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
