Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
