i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize